“A jam-packed weekend to make up for a week of absence?” Bad idea.
We often overcompensate when we feel guilty about being absent or missing an important moment, trying to reassure ourselves more than anything else. But here’s the catch—this mindset is centered on us, not on the child.
Before becoming a father, I believed that I could make up for missed time with grand gestures: an amazing outing, extravagant gifts, or an ultra-planned activity. That every minute of absence during the week could somehow be balanced out with a few intense hours together.
I was wrong.
Why “Making Up for It” Doesn’t Work
1. Kids Don’t Think in Transactions
A “give-and-take” approach doesn’t work the way we think: I’m gone all week, so I’ll make it up with quality time over the weekend.
But children don’t calculate love in hours spent; they measure it in connection felt.
What science says: Research by Siegel & Bryson (2012) on mindful parenting shows that kids feel closer to their parents through consistent, simple moments rather than sporadic “big” events.
2. Overloading Their Schedule Won’t Replace Your Presence
Trying to “maximize” time together often backfires.
Kids don’t need a jam-packed itinerary; they need you—fully engaged, undistracted, and present.
There were times I crammed our weekends with activities, thinking that’s what mattered most. But I missed the real point: what kids crave isn’t just activities—it’s your full attention.
3. The Pressure to “Make It Count” Can Backfire
When we’re constantly trying to prove we’re present, we often fail to actually be present.
The stress of planning the “perfect weekend” robs you of enjoying it. And worse, your child can feel that pressure, too.
3 Shifts That Changed Everything
1. Prioritizing Consistency Over Intensity
Instead of cramming everything into one weekend, I started showing up in small but consistent ways:
- A five-minute video call every night before bedtime when I was away.
- A morning voice note just to say, “I’m thinking about you.”
- A non-negotiable Sunday morning routine—even if it was just having breakfast together.
Consistency matters more than grand gestures.
2. Ditching the Performance—Focusing on Presence
I stopped trying to “do it all” and started following one simple rule:
When I’m with my child, I’m 100% there.
- No phone.
- No multitasking.
- Full focus on the moment.
15 minutes of real connection beats 3 hours on autopilot.
3. Cutting the Overload—Letting Simple Moments Shine
Instead of filling our schedule, I left room for nothing—and that’s where the magic happened.
- A bike ride with no destination.
- Making up a silly story together and turning it into a mini-book.
- Baking something simple (even if it’s just a mess).
- Reading a story in the dark with a flashlight.
- Just talking, playing board games, or building Legos—without an agenda.
Sometimes, the most memorable moments are the ones you don’t plan.
Presence Isn’t Something You “Make Up For”—It’s Something You Build
It’s not about how many activities you cram in.
It’s not about how extravagant your plans are.
What truly lasts? The quiet, regular, and real moments where you are fully there.
Let’s talk—Have you ever felt the need to “compensate” for your absence? How did you find balance?